I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
