How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
