I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
