did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
