Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
