I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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