what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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