so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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