He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
