T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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