YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
