it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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