Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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