R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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