Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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