dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
please don't ironically join a cult
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