hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
