I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
