That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
