try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
