My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
