there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
