I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Alive.
So much puke
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
