Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
