I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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