She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
