Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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