It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize