Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
