Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
