so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
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