Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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