I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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