Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
