I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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