I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize