Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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