as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
