filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
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