He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
