the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
