Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I don't want my vagina anymore.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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