I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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