If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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