the condom got lost in my hair
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
