I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
