where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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