New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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