You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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