How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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