I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
he shaved USA in his pubs
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
