I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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