He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
