if i can run in heels then i can drive
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
