come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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