Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
