If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
