I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
