The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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