why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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