Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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