i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
