why didn't you poke me back
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
