We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize