I'm gonna have a badass scar
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize