Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
she woke up with a sticky ear
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
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