My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
stop calling my apartment porn island.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
