I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Randomize