i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
