The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I want you more than these girls want KFC
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
