who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize
