apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
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