Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
