We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I love having hate sex.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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