Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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